worst. class. ever.

Something I ate before yoga didn't agree with me and caused me to have the worst class ever. I have never wanted to leave the room as much as I did in class today. I felt nauseous and lightheaded. I sat out soooo much. It was humbling and horrible and not much fun at all.
Watching The Bachelorette and eating a light dinner seems to have pretty much cured me, but I can only hope that my next class is better...

.

I miss my yoga mat. I miss a boy who isn't mine and will never be mine. I miss buying size 6 pants. I miss feeling hopeful. I miss good sandwiches.

Yeah, it's all seeming like a bit of a mess at the moment. I guess it's time for bengal tiger strength and english bulldog determination. And remembering to breathe.

Inspiration from ye olde television

I struggled a bit in class yesterday. I need to get myself more organized in terms of food and hydration. It's hard to have a good class when your body feels off - hungry, stomach issues, thirsty, etc.
But what this post is really about is something I heard when I was catching up on one of my favorite tv shows on demand yesterday. 'The Deadliest Catch' is about crab fishing in Alaska. How does this relate to Bikram yoga? Well, the fishermen on the show are so tough and they just get on with things. They keep going. They battle the elements. They push themselves. On the episode I watched last night, one of the fishermen was complaining to his brother/boat captain about his leg. His brother asked him if he was hurt or injured. If he was hurt, he just needed to suck it up and keep working. If he was injured, he needed to stop working. In yoga and in life, there have been many times when I've stopped because I'm hurt, either mentally or physically... but I want to be the kind of person who only stops when I'm injured...

Self talk on the "bad" days

Had a couple of not so good classes this week. During the first class, I blamed the heat which was inconsistent, the other students who seemed really unfocused, the teacher who was new to me. And yes, all of those things are true, but really it was just my body and mind on that particular day at that particular time. Then the next day, I blamed the fact that I didn't eat much since lunch, wasn't hydrated enough, had a bad class the day before. And finally I remembered that yoga is like pizza or sex - even when it's bad, it's good or at least better than nothing :)
Not going into the hot room today. Pizza is my yoga today and I'm grateful for it. nomnomnom

Yoga with yo momma

Went to class with my mom today. She "needed to detoxify" :) She's one tough yogi and I hope to still be practicing when I'm her age. Our teacher was one of the studio owners and she is awesome. Overall good class. Followed by a not so good hair color appointment. I feel like I'm in a dysfunctional relationship with my hair dresser. Not fun!

I like 'mine' better than I like 'new'

I am sometimes impatient with how long things take. Ok, more than sometimes - often. I'm trying to have more gratitude in my life. I struggle with feeling out of place and like I don't belong so it's important for me to look around and recognize what I have in my life. Last night I was at yoga and I finally felt at home. I felt like I was at MY yoga studio. For a long time, it felt like my new yoga studio, but now it just feels mine. I like that feeling. I'm going to take the day off from yoga tonight in order to grocery shop and cook and daydream and be out in the sunshine... but I look forward to getting back on my mat tomorrow.

Anxiety is not my friend

I've been practicing about 4 times a week. That seems like the sweet spot for me right now. I'm on my mat something close to every other day. I still have time to go to shows and drink beer and eat frozen yogurt and watch tv. A daily practice doesn't work for me right now because then it seems like life is just work + yoga. Anyway, last night was a really difficult class for me. The room was packed and I was one of the last people in the room. There was a newbie in front of me and during the standing series, her mat scooted back a few inches so it was basically touching mine. I was doing all of the postures so I didn't really notice where her mat was until we got down onto the floor... and her feet were basically on my head and I started to freak out a little. Ok, more than a little. I couldn't really scoot back because there was a row of people behind me. And I couldn't seem to make eye contact with the teacher who is new and it was my first class with her. I had to wait until we got on our knees for fixed firm and I asked her to scoot her mat up. I probably seemed like the crazy yogi, but I just felt so stressed out by the situation. My studio has lots of newbies these days and while I do sometimes get frustrated with them for not knowing how things work at the studio, my experience last night was a good reminder that the yoga room can be more than uncomfortable - it can move into scary/anxiety-filled. I'm going to try to be more kind to myself and more kind to my fellow yogis in the future.